


Getaway

by JaneSkylark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneSkylark/pseuds/JaneSkylark
Summary: HP: AU Hermione leaves to recover following the end of the war. One-shot.





	Getaway

Hermione wiggled her toes deeper into the warm sand while the sun beat down on her back and beads of sweat formed along her brow. She sighed heavily and turned back a few pages in her book. She had read the same three pages several times at this point but kept finding her mind wondering so she would go back to the beginning and start again. It didn't matter that she had read Pride and Prejudice half a dozen times. She was insistent on getting her mind to focus on what she was reading. Focus was important she thought.

She read a few more sentences and then she was looking up at the people around her. She watched a couple kissing as they walked along the beach, she watched kids building a sandcastle to her left and birds flew overhead before swooping down to the sand to pick up crumbs left by the other beach goers. She watched as boats sailed by in the water ahead of her. 

She took off her sunglasses and rubbed her eyes before laying her head down on her book. Maybe she would try a nap instead. Hermione had been in Ibiza for 6 days. One of the reasons she had left was because sleep seemed to allude her in England. No matter how tired she was she would just lay in bed staring at the ceiling but sometimes rest would come during daylight hours. At night it was all tossing and turning before she would finally get up and busy herself with something. Sometimes she studied or researched. Other times she just sat…sifting through memories best left forgotten. She tried journaling her feelings but every one that she started she inevitably ended up pitching into the fire.

She could fall asleep sometimes…sleep for a few hours but she would always wake up too soon, her body begging for more sleep but her mind wouldn’t rest. It made sense. After seven years chasing death from a deranged dark lord one would be both mentally and physically exhausted. It just seemed that her brain didn’t want to comply. It made even more sense considering how the last six months before the final battle transpired. How they would wake at every sound, terrified that Voldemort or a death eater or anyone had found them at last. It seemed six months of that had left her mind too on edge that now she could tell herself over and over again that everything was all right, everyone was safe but it didn’t matter. She would fall asleep and just as soon enough wake again terrified. She sighed again deeply.

Kids ran by her splashing sand on her back and bottom. She huffed and began to pack up her things. It was almost lunch. The sun was highest in the sky now and she would just burn anyway. She'd go back to her cabin, enjoy a cold lunch, maybe a glass of wine and try to relax there instead.

When she entered the room, the cold air was a welcome respite to the heat and the sudden drop in temperature gave her goosebumps. She changed out of her suit, took a quick shower and put on a shirt that was too big for her (had she lost even more weight) and shorts. She opened the window so the warm air could mingle with the cool and she watched as the breeze sent the light curtains drifting upwards.

She laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths, calming her heart. She went through her mental check list. Everyone was all right, everyone was safe, she was thankful, grateful, everyone was all right, everyone was safe. She thought about her parents and how they must be worrying about her and that led to her thinking of her abrupt departure days earlier. 

She rose from the bed and went to sit at the desk. She opened her laptop and typed a quick email to her mother as she had promised both of her parents that she would send daily check ins. She told them how much she was enjoying the weather and that every day she was feeling more rested and relaxed. Perhaps not technically the truth but all the same it would make them feel better and she was trying to rest. Then at the end she tacked on one final note, how she was feeling that this was just the thing that she needed and thought she would stay longer. Perhaps even an extended holiday was in order but she would let them know as soon as she had decided. 

She scrolled through the rest of her emails all junk before closing the laptop again. How long could she feasibly stay? Another week? Perhaps two? She wanted to stay longer she thought. For whatever reason the thought of being in England now just made her weary. She was just tired. Tired from all of the people, all of the questions. She just had to get away from it all even her parents and friends. It was good for her parents as well. They had only fretted over her constantly when she was at home. Everyone needed a break she thought sadly.

But following the final battle everyone just wanted to celebrate. Well it seemed like everyone but her. There were so many parties and ceremonies and interviews. Every person she had gone to Hogwarts whether she had known them well or not reached out either by post or in person. Everyone wanted to offer their thanks or congratulations, or they wanted to know how she was doing, did she need anything, some even pried for more private details about those final days…blah, blah blah…she thought angrily. It seemed like there were so many people around after but where were they before or during. She shook her head to clear the thought. It didn’t matter now. Besides Harry and probably herself as well would have turned away help…not wanting to risk other’s lives unless they thought seriously someone could offer valuable assistance. Why give the dark lord one more tally? Voldemort, she thought angrily again at herself. 

Another slight…she had caught herself several times over the last few weeks thinking of him as the dark lord or he who must not be named instead of Voldemort. He was finally gone and now she was scared of saying the name? She was sure there was something in that but wouldn’t let her mind go there and focus on another thing not working with her.

She thought of Harry then and the ceremony at the ministry. They had given them each a special commendation. The Minister of Magic had pinned it on Harry’s lapel and he had beamed with pride. Ron also just smiled happily. Hermione remembered feeling sick. How her hands felt clammy and she wanted to sit down but there was no place to sit. She had looked around the room at all of the faces and how everyone was just so happy. How could it all seem so normal when she felt anything but? She felt disconnected from herself. She couldn’t even recognize the old Hermione and could barely tolerate this new Hermione shell in her place. She wondered if she could ever feel normal again. Would she ever wake up in the morning and just start her day without reliving those horrible ones before? Would a day ever be just a day again?

She rubbed her hands across her face, angry at herself for letting her mind go to those depressing thoughts. She felt weary again and her eyes felt teary. She moved back to the bed and laid down again. Everyone was all right, everyone was safe, she was thankful, grateful, everyone was all right, everyone was safe.

She must have finally drifted asleep because she jolted up from the bed disoriented. She wasn't sure what but something had startled her awake. She stilled and moved her hand under her pillow to grab her wand as she looked around the room. Then she distinctly heard a can being opened and a mumbled curse. Her head went to the patio outside her cabin and she could see a shadow through the window. Harry. She couldn't see him but recognized his voice. She rose from her bed and headed outside to see Harry laying back in his lounger as he took a sip of the cold beer, a wet stain on his shirt where he had obviously spilled it. 

"Harry?"

"Hermione!" He rose happily and set his can on the ground as he stood up. He went to her and hugged her. She hugged him back still surprised. Then he sat back on the lounger and picked up the can. "Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up. This place is beautiful. It was a great pick for a getaway." He seemed so relaxed and carefree. He was looking out at the ocean through dark sunglasses before he looked up at her. He sensed her hesitation and removed his glasses to look at her more clearly. His gaze ran over her features and down over her form.

She ran her hands along her shirt as if she could somehow make it look more fitted and not quite the sack she was currently wearing. She was positive she must look a fright, exhausted and underweight. "Uh Harry? What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?" 

Hermione had left days before, abruptly. Her parents had seemed worried but she assured them she just needed a few days to herself with beach and sun. Sometimes she wondered if she had ever seen the sun in the last 7 years. It felt like she hadn't. They said they understood. Her need for silence and stillness had overwhelmed her and she had them promise that they would tell everyone she was well and just having a bit of a holiday if pressed but absolutely not tell anyone where she was. Obviously, that hadn't been accomplished. 

Harry moved his feet to the side of the lounger as he sat up. "I came here to see you. I was worried. You look…tired." He moved closer and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. 

Hermione frowned and she pushed the hair back from her face herself. Her fingers brushed his hand and when she looked up at him, he was so tall, he was looking back down at her. Her cheeks reddened slightly and she looked out at the ocean.

"I'm probably sun burnt," she replied as she turned to go back into the cabin. She felt Harry follow behind her. 

"Hermione," he whispered and grabbed her hand.

"Nightmares," she murmured. Surprising even herself as she said it. She hadn’t told anyone. Her parents probably assumed but still she hadn’t confirmed. She went to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of beer for herself, opening it and pulling a long sip. She sat down on the couch.

"What?" He came around and sat next to her.

"I have nightmares. That's why I'm not sleeping as much as I should. I seem to only be able to sleep during the day if at all."

Harry nodded. "I know a thing or two about nightmares."

Hermione's head jerked up. "You said you weren't having nightmares," she stated worriedly as she moved closer to him. "When everything was settling down I asked you and you said the nightmares were gone." She chewed on her thumb as she continued to look at him worriedly.

Harry came closer and took her hand from her mouth and kept it in his hand as he continued, "I meant from the past I have experience. My nightmares are gone. I didn’t mean to imply there was something we needed to worry about." His thumb rubbed back and forth against her knuckles. 

"Well you should speak more clearly then. I thought you meant…," she spoke angrily and found tears in her eyes as she couldn't meet his gaze. Her emotions had been erratic lately, just another reason she needed to get away she thought. Get away from everyone. Get away from herself.

"Hermione," Harry whispered worriedly as his brow furrowed.

"I'm sorry Harry. I... I just. You're right."

"About what?"

"I am tired,” She admitted.

"Of course, you are. You're not sleeping."

"I am some but not enough." 

“Do you want to take a draught?”

She shook her head as he asked.

"Why didn’t you tell me before?" Harry asked as he kept his gaze on her face.

"You and Ron..."

"Me and Ron what?"

"You both seem to be doing so well and I'm..."

"You're what?"

"Struggling." She laughed a bitter laugh. "Finally make it through, everything is wonderful. Parties and celebrations galore and I just want to hide under my bed."

"Is that what it seems like?"

"Hmm?"

"Me and Ron? Is that what it seems like? That we're doing so well?"

"Yes, I suppose." She frowned. “I mean you’ve both been so happy at the parties and doing interviews.”

"How can you be so book smart and not so commonsense smart?" He laughed bitterly and shook his head at her.

She huffed with indignation but then deflated. "Gee thanks."

“You gave interviews also. You were at the same parties.”

“Yeah but miserable! I hated every one of them!” Her chin trembled and she felt her throat tighten. A deep cold feeling started small in her chest before it began to expand. She recognized it immediately, a panic attack. She rubbed her chest back and forth and took slow breaths breaths…everyone was all right. She looked up at Harry and saw he was looking down at her hand, watching as she rubbed along her sternum.

"Ron is quieter than before. He keeps disappearing with Luna. I think that's helping,” Harry spoke softly.

"Ron hasn't been quiet...he..." She thought hard. How the last few weeks did seem more jumbled together. She remembered being at the burrow on several occasions and there were always so many people about. It seemed like everyone was talking but maybe now that she thought more on it maybe Ron had been quieter. She remembered she had seen Luna and him dancing one evening at the burrow under the moonlight but maybe...maybe it hadn't been dancing. Maybe it was swaying, soothingly while Luna held him. Had he been crying and she didn't notice? She frowned now. At the time it had seen happy and innocent but when she recalled it now it seemed different. More of a melancholy moment than a peaceful one.

She looked up at Harry. He stared deeply and intently at her. "I thought he was doing well, I suppose. I guess I just assumed and maybe I wasn't as observant as I thought." 

Harry nodded and bowed his head to catch her gaze. "And that's okay. You went through a lot. We all did. But if you're comparing yourself to us and thinking what you're going through isn't normal then you're wrong. Neville and Ginny...they weren't even there at the end and they both have nightmares. They've told me. For seven years you've handled so much for me and Ron…yourself. It's okay if you're a little lost right now. We all are. No one is handling any of this easily, everyone just differently and all of that is okay. But do you know what's not okay? What's not okay with me?"

"What?" She asked.

"Thinking that you can run off and not tell anyone! That you can instruct your parents to not tell me, me or Ron where you're at! I'm right cross at you actually for that and you don't even know it. I went to your house to check in and your parents told me you were out. Stayed for hours in their living room just waiting and when they saw I didn't plan on leaving then...only then...did they finally tell me that you had gone off alone for a few days. I was right cross at them as well. Should have seen the glare I leveled your father with."

Hermione smiled but Harry continued more subdued. "I’m serious. You’re my best friend. You don’t go off alone again without telling me. It’s fine if you need some alone time but you tell me.” He stared deeply at her and she stared back unsure if she should apologize. 

Harry broke away from her on the couch and stood. He went and stood near the window, looking out at the ocean. “And me? You think I'm doing so well? I'll be honest that I'm relieved and happy that it's over but it has been seven years and he has always come back. I supposed there's still a small part of me that's waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know it's over, can reason with myself that this time it's really finished but it's still there in my heart, in my breathing...waiting for something."

Hermione stood and walked over to him. She grasped his hand in hers hard. "Time, time will help. I'm sure of it." 

Harry turned toward her and nodded as he spoke, "It will help you too. Along with Ron and I. We all need to be there for each other now just as much as we were before. We can’t hide our struggles from one another. That won’t help any of us."

“Yes, of course you’re right. I see that now.” And she did. They had been through so much together. Trying to handle this by herself had only led her to feel worse. If it had been Harry or Ron acting as she had she would have forced herself in, traveled the Earth to find them just as Harry had done for her now.

“Good.” He drew her close and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. They stood next to the window looking out at the ocean together.


End file.
